zpires

TF2

Team Fortress 2 (TF2) is a multiplayer first-person shooter (FPS) where you play as a member of the BLU team or the RED team as one of nine different classes.

personal statistics

best moments

Most points 59 (as Medic)
Most kills 18 (as Soldier)
Most assists 27 (as Medic)
Most captures 14 (as Heavy)
Most defenses 4 (as Pyro)
Most damage 5350 (as Engineer)
Most destruction 9 (as Scout)
Most dominations 5 (as Medic)
longest life 25:28
Most healing 16852 (as Medic)
Most invulns 13 (as Medic)
Most kills by sentry 11 (as Engineer)
Most teleports 52 (as Engineer)
Most headshots 5 (as Sniper)
Most backstabs 6 (as Spy)

Classes we play

Medic

  • Main class
  • Healing and support

Pyro

  • Secondary class
  • Ambush predator

Soldier

  • For when no one's doing anything
  • Thank you random crits

Engineer

  • When there's too many medics
  • Literal auto-aim

Scout

  • For emergencies
  • Pushes and caps

History

Quake is a FPS game that came out in 1996. A mod for the game called Team Fortress was created that same year. The publisher, Valve, released a remake of the game as Team Fortress Classic. In 2007, the team published its sequel, Team Fortress 2, as part of the Orange Box compilation.

In May 2009, the fifth major content update, Sniper vs Spy, introduced hats, later generalized to cosmetic items. From there, things only got sillier...

Later that same year, the first Halloween event occurred! In 2010, the Horseless Headless Horsemann was introduced and the event was called Scream Fortress. The year after introduced the giant eyeball Monoculus and Merasmus the Wizard in the classic Bombinomicon comic.

The Bombinomicon was not the first update comic, and it wouldn't be the last, but in August of 2013, a story comic series called Ring of Fired began. Comic #6, the Naked and the Dead, came out in January 2017. Valve has a very loose organization structure where people are allowed to pick and choose what they work on. When the TF2 team was reduced over and over, the likelihood of them finishing the comic looked slimmer and slimmer.

As the years passed, there were rumors about a comic #7, but we had no hope. Then, against all odds, the final comic was released in December 2024. A Smissmas miracle.

Meet the...

The Meet the Team series was a selection of YouTube videos that serve as trailers for the game. Each mercenary had a video highlighting their personality and, occasionally, the aspects of their mechanics that make them unique. They're all very memeable. The first seven are about a minute and a half long, but Meet the Medic is the longest at 4:10. The last three are the most ambitious and iconic, and we do NOT use that word lightly. This was a very popular game at its time, and its memes were ubiquitous across the internet.

Check out the playlist here.

In release order:

  • Meet the Heavy: a very short video, but classic. Rough around the edges, but very endearing.
  • Meet the Sandvich: not a mercenary, but released along with the Sandvich item (a secondary for Heavy that grants him health equal to a medium health pack when eaten).
  • Meet the Sniper: Snipin's a good job, mate.
  • Meet the Engineer: what everyone imagines Engineers are doing when they've built a level 3 sentry on last when you're trying to cap mid. Establishes the creepy edge the character has.
  • Meet the Scout: he's such a little shit. Love when he taps the screen and there's a smudge that lasts through the rest of the video.
  • Meet the Demoman: probably the worst of the bunch, which sucks. Reuses a lot of in-game lines and doesn't really establish much about his character.
  • Meet the Soldier: what a cutie. Probably our favorite character.
  • Meet the Spy: truly iconic. "And now he's here to fuck us!" If you only watch one, watch this one.
  • Meet the Medic: amazing piece of art, also iconic. Fantastic music. Really, really leans into the most popular ship (HeavyxMedic, or "Red Oktoberfest" (the TF2 ship names were hit-or-miss)).
  • Meet the Pyro: Pyro only speaks in mumbles, so this video defined their characterization forever. Also iconic.

our favorite weapons

MEDIC

a crossbow with a bell, holiday twinkle lights, and a ribbon

long-distance romance

*blows you a kiss*
  • weapon: Festive Crusader's Crossbow
  • kills: 2239
  • killstreaker: Hypno-Beam
  • sheen: Mean Green
a solid gold cylindrical beam emitter

happy anniversary! 10/10/10

our love defies description
  • weapon: Festivized Australium Medi-gun
  • ubers: 5247
  • kill assists: 10037
  • killstreaker: Singularity
  • sheen: Agonizing Emerald
a black and red cylindrical beam emitter with holiday twinkle lights wrapped around it

pretty girl's pocket pistol

"if you're reading this, my boyfriend loves you <3"
  • weapon: Strange Festivized Kritzkrieg
  • ubers: 311
  • kill assists: 777
  • allied healing done: 92560
  • killstreaker: Cerebral Discharge
  • sheen: Agonizing Emerald
cylindrical beam emitter filled with red juice

just a quickie

"keep safety in mind; it'll save your behind"
  • weapon: Strange Festivized Quick-fix
  • ubers: 1615
  • kill assists: 3747
  • killstreaker: Tornado
  • sheen: Mean Green
a pretty bonesaw

kisses

"pucker up, buttercup!"
  • weapon: strange civic duty mk. ii ubersaw
  • kills: 1597
  • killstreaker: Flames
  • sheen: Mean Green

PYRO

a red flame thrower with a white flower pattern

flame thrower

Australian Festivized Professional Killstreak Bloom Buffed
  • kills: 7842
  • medics killed that have full ubercharge: 8
  • killstreaks ended: 39
  • player hits: 282326
  • killstreaker: Flames
  • sheen: Mean Green

SOLDIER

a thin and compact rocket launcher

direct hit

  • killstreaker: Incinerator
  • sheen: Deadly Daffodil

shotgun

spectacularly lethal gift wrapped
  • kills: 345

SCOUT

a double barreled hand gun with red and yellow BONK soda advertising

scattergun

positively inhumane professional killstreak bonk varnished
  • kills: 863
  • damage dealt: 253744
  • point blank kills: 33
  • scouts killed: 176
  • killstreaker: Incinerator
  • sheen: Hot Rod
a yellow double barreled hand gun with a pizza topping pattern

scattergun

pizza polished
a futuristic pistol

the c.a.p.p.e.r

Cosmetics

MEDIC

three fluorescent lights glued to some wires that wrap around your head

love is blind

  • hat: Halogen Headlamp
  • unusual effect: Cloud 9

unusual gauzed gaze

  • unusual effect: Green Confetti
  • paint color: Indubitably Green
green surgical mask and cap with microscopic goggles
red surgical mask and cap with microscopic goggles

points hat

"i've scored a lot of points with this hat on"
  • hat: Strange Gauzed Gaze
  • points scored: 39407
  • medics killed with full ubercharge: 2
  • paint color: Team Spirit

legendary foppish physician

  • points scored: 6003
  • paint color: Operator's Overalls
  • style: Epaulettes
  • halloween effect: Voices From Below
a jacket in the style of a pompous british person with epaulettes