plural etiquette, house edition

1. what do you go by collectively?

   we go by the house. we use plural they pronouns to refer to all of us together.

2. how should people refer to you?

   please address us individually if possible! we try to make it really clear who's out to make that easier.

3. what terms do you prefer for referring to yourselves as individuals, or as a group? is there any other terminology for yourselves or aspects of your experience that you use and want people to know, or that you dislike and want people to avoid when talking about you?

   we go by "people" and "system members." we don't care for "headmates" or "alters" to refer to us. as a group, we're a multiple system or a plural system, a collective, or a house. the house.

   we don't have individual roles and trying to map common roles onto us doesn't work. if we see you trying, we'll be quick to say something. unfortunately, you can't understand us with that shorthand.

4. who in your system are people most likely to interact with?

   jyliet xe>she ✯
   amateur natural scientist and worldbuilder

   maddy she
   poet and dreamer, pragmatist and artist

   you may also encounter thyme (they) on occasion. aj (they), teresa (she+xe), ora (she/it), or mimi (he/it) might pop up from time to time, but they don't tend to talk to people outside the system.

5. are there any system members who are nonverbal or otherwise have difficulty communicating?

   people can speak themselves or others can speak on their behalf, with their consent. it's not very common that you'll run into an issue with communicating with any of us.

6. what should people do if they don't know who's at front?

   ask, please! asking who is at the front acknowledges our individual personhoods.

7. is it okay for people to ask if they can talk to someone who isn't at front at the moment?

   sure thing! we can't guarantee they'll come to the front, but they'll appreciate being looked for.

8. if someone talks to one of you, will other system members be aware of the conversation?

   only other fronters will be actively watching, but the memory will (probably) be available for anyone who hops in the front later.

9. if multiple system members will be aware of a conversation, will they want to chime in? if someone wants to speak to a system member one-on-one, what expectations can they have and how should they communicate this?

   people will chime in if they have things to say. you can (and should) speak to someone directly, but we can't guarantee one-on-one interactions. some of us get stuck at the front or don't always come when called. if you'd prefer no interruptions, as long as you communicate that preference, we can usually accommodate.

10. how out are you?

    we're out online to everyone. the only people we're out to offline are our partners, who are also plural systems. you—because we don't know you irl, because you are on this website—can always refer to us as the house, the plural system. we don't have a good "name" to refer to all of us easily. "house" isn't a name, and we don't really like it when it's used as such. (no "hey, house! what's up?", yes "hey all! how's the house doing?")

11. do you have any internal communication difficulties, memory issues, switch triggers, etc that others should be mindful of?

    we do have memory issues, but they don't stem from plurality. you may still run into situations where someone doesn't remember something you told them or told another system member.

    our switch triggers are for internal use only.

12. your stance on being asked questions?

    we love questions! we're happy to share our personal experience and individual preferences. for plurality in general, we can't speak to everything, but we're happy to answer what we can. we're especially bad at keeping up with current terminology and trends inside plural communities in online spaces.

    our plural manifesto may answer some common questions asked of plurals, especially by other plurals.

thank you for reading this guide to our plural etiquette! we appreciate your respect and willingness to accommodate ourselves as we are.